Meditations from Micronesia: July 2008

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Tuesday, August 26, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

Wednesday, August 26, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

I was in Sokeh's Shopping Center, a grocery and department store (sort of, on both counts), on the way home from work. Island life here teaches you to check every place on the way home for fresh produce, or different products that may not be there tomorrow. No such thing as a real all-in-one store here. I don't really expect to see anything fresh for a couple of weeks, until the next ships come in. All veggies are gone except potatoes and carrots. Haven't even seen onions or cabbage recently. Some limes, a few other things. Even dried substitutes like onion powder are gone from the shelves.

Anyway, I'm at the checkout line, and I hear this terrible wail from a child. The worst I've heard on the island. I looked around and saw a child, maybe three or four, pushing on an automatic exit door. I think she wasn't heavy enough to have the automatic part of it open the door for her, and it was pushing back at her. My first thought was that her foot had been caught in it, maybe tearing on the top of her foot or something. A man rushed over and got her, and picked her up. Her father. And soothed her, but she was terrified. But the fascinating part was the reaction of the other patrons, male and female. They heard a child in pain, located it, and you could see everyone in the place making the decision to go help, just that they saw the father get there first. The look of empathetic pain on everyone's face for this child, the immediate instinct to rush to help. Who would not want a child raised in a place like this?

Sexual mores are decidedly un-western. There doesn't seem to be a homosexual taboo, here, but I can't exactly tell. Lynn is totally non-plussed about whether someone's gay or not, but I'm not sure if that's her, or everyone. I've not encountered any hint of homophobic animus among anyone else I've talked to, and it's not an issue I even bring up. I've seen young adult males holding hands walking together returning from church. Not sure if that's sexual, or just male friendship in Micronesia. Unfortunately, although there are laws, I think that sexual relations with teens and younger is not that much of a taboo as it is in the west. The impression I get is that they're not sure what the big deal is about. Could be wrong. (I've also seen copulating dogs in the middle of the road twice. Peter and Lynn thought it hilarious when I leaned out the window and yelled at them to get a room already.)

I need to go to Chuuk in the next few weeks. I'll be doing more immigration law, customs and fishing violations stuff. I need to meet the staff out there. Get them to know me. I released some Taiwan fishing vessels last week because I couldn't get a straight answer out of someone in charge out there. The violations were more serious than I would have released them for if I'd had straight answers instead of the Micronesian runaround and delay. 'Can't have that. I need to be friendly, gentle, but firm, that there are certain communications that need to be delivered.

The Fiji trip fell through. The acting-AG said he wanted someone from the "law" side to go the convention. I'm "litigation." It's a mistake to separate "law" from "litigation" that way, but a lot of attorneys general offices do that. We should all be doing all the work, so the left hand knows what the right hand is doing. My litigation experience is valuable input on the administrative side, or so I've found from my days in the AG's office in Alabama. But hopefully, the old AG will be re-confirmed by Congress this week, and we'll get it straight. There'll be plenty of opportunity for all sorts of trips like that in the months to come, so I'm in no rush. This is an important convention of countries from Australia east to Polynesia, north to the top of Micronesia, carving out how to deal with tuna fishing in international waters. (Just speaking of tuna, I want some sashimi....)

Not too terribly a busy day today. I put together some settlements for fines on some vessels that had improperly documented sailors and crew aboard, expired seaman's cards. I looked into a deportation matter I've been given, for an American who's overstayed his entry permit. He's married to a local, and has been ignoring notices from immigration to leave or renew his permit. I need to decide whether to deport him civilly, or make an example of him and put him in jail for a year or two. I stroked the chief of immigration and customs a bit. I talked to someone in the insurance department about a personnel matter. I reviewed some pleadings from a defendant in the Chuuk case who is trying to disqualify the entire AG's office for bias and conflict. Not a bad day. Actually pretty light, work-wise.

Didn't go to lunch. I had some fried rice and scrambled egg for breakfast on the way in, that I picked up at Mobil Oil and wasn't that hungry. I usually drop by one of the Mobil Oil stations for fresh coffee on the way to work.

I spent some time after lunchtime with a couple of the secretaries letting them quiz me about Lynn, and then learning some Pohnpein phrases from them. I'm really trying, but it takes hearing and repeating a word or phrase many times for me for it to click in my brain. But the secretaries like that I'm trying. With the females, I speak more Pohnpein, because I know they're local. With the males, I'm not always sure they're from Pohnpei, so I speak English unless I know they're from Pohnpei. Right now, I'm trying to remember "K'med-med-eh-way-yuk?" (ph) ("Do you miss me?").

I told them funny stories about my experiences here and some interactions with people. They seem to like my humor, poking fun at myself. We laughed a lot. I love laughing with Micronesians. It's like the rain here: It's soft and gentle, and brings a breeze and fresh air.

There's an investigator with the National Police who steps out to smoke, in his 50's I think. He always looks so serious, uncommon for the people here. His name is Johnny-Boy, I'm told. I went up to him and told him he always looks so grim, so serious. He said he has ten children and must set an example. The secretaries, and later Lynn when I told her, thought that was hilarious. Hard not to laugh at the little things here, as that's no real reason to be so grim out here. One of the secretaries comes from a family where there are 12 brothers and sisters. They think nothing of that here. Imagine. But then, that wasn't that uncommon only a few generations ago in Europe and America.

Lynn and I are well at the moment. Everyone on the island ~ Mehn Why and local ~ tells me I should be seeing other people. We saw each other for a couple of hours this evening. I've shared a lot more about us than I would otherwise, but this is my way of journaling what I'm going through, and she's a big part of what I'm going through. Had I not met her, I'd have been gone from here a month ago. How long we'll stay together depends on her more than me, but we're making an effort, and it's sinking in that that's what it takes.

I'm working with some good people, for the most part. One of the guys in my "section" (of three) is a bit quietly manic, and worriesome to me. To others too. Good at pursuing white collar crime, but he gets a look in his eye sometimes that's troublesome. He really screwed up these cases that I said could get me killed on Chuuk. I don't think that's going to happen, now, but I need to tread lightly and undo a lot of damage he's done that he's totally oblivious to. I have the support of the former and hopefully to-be-reconfirmed AG and support of the chief of litigation, so to speak, in the manner I want to approach these cases ~ conciliatory, respectful, apologetic for past errors that may have been culturally insensitive, that kind of thing. So, that's good. My instincts are good, and are confirmed by people who matter, professionally and locally.

Lynn is going to clean my house for me, for pay. I think we've negotiated a far more than reasonable price from my perspective. I need the house cleaned. Floors mopped, house dusted, trash taken care of. She needs the money. I've been giving her money as it is, and don't like feeling piece-mealed about doling out cash without knowing where it's going or what it's for. She knows it offends me, at least I think she does, and she says she doesn't want to ask more than she has to.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Tuesday, August 26, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Tuesday, August 26, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

I am slowly building a quiet presence here, in different communities. I haven't tried to build a life for myself in years. For now, there's no place I'd rather be, despite the tumult I've been describing. I haven't felt this way in a long time.

It's good to be learning again, to be interacting with people. Whites and locals. Doesn't matter.

Looks like I'll be learning Fisheries law, and international conventions and compacts. I've just been told I may be going to be sent to Fiji in a few days if it's approved ~ via Honolulu, returning via Honolulu and Guam ~ to learn and participate in an important compact convention among pacific nations to govern tuna fishing in the international waters. The last great conservation effort on the planet. Guess I must be doing something right, if they want to send me, eh?

My sister does not understand my relationship with Lynn, especially how Lynn can leave her daughters with relatives to spend as much time with me as she does. My sister does not understand how Lynn can be with me and not put her children first. Yes, we've both been selfish, Lynn and I. She, because she's rebellious by nature; me, because it's been so long since I've allowed myself to care about anyone.

As selfish as Lynn may appear for leaving her daughters with relatives to be with me, it is still so very different here with respect to the way children are raised. Not that the Micronesian way is necessarily better, but we westerners could learn a lot. The expression, "It takes a village" is not an abstract concept here. There are mothers, and grandmothers, and aunties, and cousins, and brothers, and uncles, and friends, and the love they all share with the children of their village or clan is phenomenal. Phenomenal. These children know what love is, and they know who their parents are. Children are everything to these people, and Lynn is very serious about hers, despite our western perception of what I've described, which to our eyes would look like abandonment, but in theirs is entrusting the lives and upbringing of their children to the community as a whole.

I grew up in a nuclear family and how my sister and I were raised seems artificial compared to this (no offense, Mom and Dad). Perhaps I am rationalizing. But to leave the child with someone else in the village, or to send them to a faraway relative on another part of the island, or to Guam, is a way of both teaching them independence from the parental-unit, and extending the concept of family to which they belong. I am very proud of the way my sister loves and cares for her daughters. Yet, there is something here that works in such a different dynamic. At least until the teenage years. Some make it, some don't. Suicide, drug and alcohol addiction, petty crimes, murder by knife or machete'. And I've noticed a prolonged adolescence among people in their twenties. But some make it, and pass it on. And I can't say the way they do it is wrong. At least, not judging by our own statistics.

Both of Lynn's daughters are here now, and it is not intended that they will go back to Guam. I brought Lynn's mother here from Guam, to bring Lynn's oldest, Brined (pronounced Brin-ett) and return her to Lynn from the paternal grandmother. Brined seems to like me. Her younger sister Renay is a cryer, and clingy. Paying to bring them here could've been a mistake, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. They're here now. And will be as long as Lynn and I are together. It's a day-by-day thing, I don't regret a day of it. No point to it.

It may seem like Lynn doesn't care about her kids, but that's through western eyes. Here, it's just different. Different strength-teaching mechanisms, different power sources, different resources to draw upon that I would never think of, and didn't have, moving about as we did, as small a family as we had. There is a society here that provides all the wonderful things that moms in America who stay home to raise their kids do, but in ways adapted to life out here. It's just spread out over more people. Lynn's girls are loved and they know it. I'm sure of it.

I'm still soaking it all in. And I just can't say it's wrong. Different doesn't mean wrong. Although I understand how my family may take its own dim view of Lynn. It has occurred to me, too. And her family even gives her a hard time about such things ~ not just leaving the kids to be with me, but, more importantly, leaving the family as a whole. Her family fears it may lose her to me altogether, and is constantly putting pressure on the bonds between us. I suppose mine does too. Both for the same reason: They're worried about what we'll become.

The fact is: I have never been more comfortable with the idea of having a child (not that I want one) than I have been since coming here, seeing how they're raised and cared for and loved here. Even, make no mistake, in the third-world conditions they live in. It's something I had to come to terms with myself some weeks ago. The children here, they laugh, they smile, they're shown they're loved, they're fed, they sleep, they play, they interact, they're cared for when they're sick, they go to school. Not in conditions we'd expect to provide for in our culture, or expect of ourselves, but they do know love, even if they sleep on a mat on a concrete floor. And they wake up, and smile, and know they're loved, and are fed, and know where love is. I must be missing something.

There is a strength here and a differential in the gears, so to speak, that operates a different way when it comes to making sure kids are cared for. Closing down bars is a separate problem between Lynn and me, from whether her kids are healthy, cared for, and raised right. The latter has never been an issue. The first will either make or break us, and I hope she understands that now. I've put my foot down about it, as much as one can. And it'll make other complications easier if we're able to come to terms about my boundaries and limits. She says she wants to make it so. So, we'll see.

It's one of those things: You just have to be here to understand. And I suspect many Mehn Why who aren't here can't understand and never will.

I've been awake since 4 a.m, the sun coming over the mountain behind me, lighting the sea to the northwest. Soft, soft pinks, blue and white sky.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Monday, August 25, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Monday, August 25, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

The "Mehn Why Band" plays a variety of music. We jammed last night (Sunday night here, it's Monday night now). They practice/play on Sunday nights. It was fun. I had a borrowed steel string guitar, and seem to be pretty well accepted into jamming with them. So, I guess I'm in a band, or so I'm told. The band does a variety of things. We're all around the same age, in terms of musical influences from the 60's and stuff, so we know a lot of the same kind of music. The best stuff we did was jamming on some basic blues riffs. Fun. A good, healthy way to spend Sunday nights. I need to spend more time with ex-pats, as going "local" is too chaotic and tragic at times, especially if I need my rest on the weekends, or on weeknights. But I'm finding the balance.

I ate crow the other day. Literally. Tastes like rabbit. Not much meat on a bird like that, so it was just a couple of nibbles. (Birds and cats are quite small, here.) Uncle Lyndsey, the man we were visiting, his 14 yr. old son killed it with a BB gun, then made a fire, spitted it, and cooked it. You should've seen this kid with a machete', cutting up firewood, and making fire. Not a wasted movement at all. Lynn kind of took over at one point, and I got her to show me how to use the machete' their way. Theirs is a Japanese/Phillipino influenced style of using a large "knife," using the part of the blade close to the haft. The Korean way of wielding a blade, which I've been taught when I was studying martial arts, use it differently, using the end, which is weighted heavier and should have more physics cutting power. But their way works very well, especially with a well-grinded machete'. When in Rome....

Last Saturday, Lynn and I took a short drive to her deceased grandfather's property. And we went into the jungle with the machete' to see what was left of the land she spent some formative years on. I felt like I was in a Tarzan movie, just walking up a few dozen yards from the dirt road. All that was left was some concrete from the foundation, covered with vegetation, the outhouse, a water tank of sorts. And she climbed a lime tree to cut down some limes with my machete'. Later that day, we ate red snapper, that was caught the day before. (Still haven't tasted dog yet....) I think we used to call it "squirrel fish" on Kwaj, but it's good. Parrot fish is still better. And the big gray fish with the rhinoceros hide skin is better still, if you're going to eat your fish cooked.

Lynn says I'm losing too much weight and need some meat on my bones. I think it's just all the fish I'm eating, as I rarely have or even crave red meat anymore. Occasionally, I'll have some, like an Australian steak or something, overcooked hamburger, just for the red meat, protein and iron, and to have something different. But I don't crave it at all, and had cut it out of my diet a lot before I came. Still, in the States, you eat a lot of crap that fattens you up. With not much to choose from here, you find the freshest stuff you can, which is fish. Still no fresh vegetables or fruit on the island at the moment. There's not another shipment expected for another couple of weeks. Lynn says she can't find decent breadfruit, and I don't care for taro. Avocado grows here, but the locals don't eat it, it's fed to the pigs. Monstrous portions of white rice that is served with every meal has little nutrient value other than starch calories. When it comes to groceries, I'm getting accustomed to buying up stuff when I see it, as it may not be there tomorrow.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Sunday, August 24, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Sunday, August 24, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

My sister notes that Lynn and I can't stay apart long. I'm afraid it's true. I don't know. The long and short of it is that we had a great day Saturday during the day, just hanging out talking at a sakau market that belongs to Lynn's mom's cousin. But then a predictable, but avoidable, tumultuous end to Saturday, a recurring fight about her wanting to go out dancing and closing down the bar, which is OK once in a while, but not on a regular basis. She doesn't take "no" for an answer very well, doesn't cooperate on some things. If I'd said "no," we'd have fought about not going; if I'd said "yes," we'd have fought about when it was time to go. I didn't want a fight to end the day. I wound up giving her the last $7 in my pocket and telling her to take a cab, but not to come back, please. I just didn't need that. She left, and I went to sleep, then she called me around 3:30 a.m. asking me to pick her up, which I did. Don't ask why. We slept apart, and made love in the morning. I don't know if it was a goodbye love, or a getting-back-together love. It was just something we wanted, or needed. There is ... a passion ... between us.

But it's been a very pensive day for me today trying to figure out how much of the chaos I can take. I can't explain better than that right now ~ although I've said more than I would have otherwise, and if I didn't need to write about it to set my thoughts in order, I'd not have said as much as I have.

I just needed to be alone by the middle of the day, if not before, even though I thought I wasn't going to see her again after Saturday. But we'd promised to take her friend halfway around the island so she could visit her daughter, who lives with the father, and I didn't want to renege on a promise to someone who was no part of our troubles.

A very pretty drive, beautiful day, but there was negativity attached to the end of it, that was just unnecessary. Lynn's friend didn't get to visit with her daughter, because the father's some brutal jerk who wouldn't let her, and Lynn was giving the friend a hard time about her not standing up for herself more. Like the friend didn't feel bad enough already. And there were other rudenesses from Lynn to her friend that I didn't think were right. So, I got quieter, and quieter, and when Lynn asked, I told her the truth about how I was feeling from her behavior toward me the night before, and her behavior to her friend that day. We'd gone with Lynn's two kids, Lynn's friend, and her friend's boyfriend. Lynn's friend's boyfriend is 18, she's 30, he's about to go "ask permission" of the families. Very common here to have the male-female May-December age difference go that way here.

We came back to the house to pack up Lynn's stuff to take her home. We rested a while, and talked, and I took them home and came back, expecting to be alone the rest of the day until it was time to go jam with the "Mehn Why" band. I just wanted to be alone, to decompress. A couple of hours later, as I was writing this, there was a knock on the door, and it was Lynn. Very contrite about the things I said. I guess I got through to her somehow, as she says she's really going to try. We'll see. But you really have to assert yourself, and with some people around here, it's imperative that you say "no," or they'll walk all over you. Lynn's very independent and strong-willed (which, as I've said, tends to bridge the gap between locals and me), and she doesn't think through consequences of her actions. What training does she have in doing that? I'm not in this to make her into something she's not. It's about setting boundaries.

I remember once seeing an octopus killed by a Marshallese fisherman when I lived in Kwajalein. He took the octopus by the gills and actually turned it inside out. Life here feels like that sometimes ~ like someone took life by the gills and just twisted inside out. Sometimes. But I'm figuring this place out, and getting more and more accustomed to being an ex-pat. And there's opportunity here to be productive and happy, if you're smart. I'm trying to be smart.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Friday, August 22, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

Friday, August 22, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

I took this shot today. It's a Protestant church. Haven't been inside yet. It looks Spanish, which suggests it should be Catholic, but it isn't. It was re-built within the last 30 years or so, after some great storm. It was first built around 1905 by a Japanese architect and builder, paid for by Protestant missionaries, denomination unknown.

Lynn and I went to the hardware store(s) and bought a mop, a hose, some other supplies for the house and car. We're going to go visit Lyndsey, Lynn's uncle, actually Lynn's mom's cousin that owns the sakau bar on the part of the man-made beach that is the focus of the land dispute with his cousin. That's where my machete' is. He's a nice guy. We're bound to talk about his case, and I'm trying to prepare him to lose. As a general rule, I don't like to talk about other people's legal problems if they're not my clients. They want free legal advice, but don't follow it anyway, and technically I'm prohibited from dispensing legal assistance to anyone but the FSM government. But considering my relationship with Lynn, he's considered family now.

I've mentioned before about how these people want to be told what to do. I had another such encounter today, explaining my position on the tax case to the asst. secretary of customs and revenue, and how I think it should settled.

"Tell us what to do." I tell them we're here as lawyers to advise, and that the decisions ultimately have to come from them. In my not so humble opinion, the problem with the U.S. administration of the Trust Territories, and the subsequent 17 years since FSM, the Republic of Palau, the Commonwealth of the Northern Marianas (CNMI), and the Republic of the Marshall Islands (RMI) became independent is that they've never been encouraged to have their own opinions. The truth is, they're not independent, but still very dependent on the U.S. for income to keep the place running. The U.S. doesn't consider this area a strategic location anymore, like it did in the Vietnam and post-WWII days. I've always felt very critical about the way the U.S. dealt with it's trusteeships, ever since my days as a teenager on Kwajalein. It's one of the reasons I've always been interested in coming back this way ~ a feeling of wanting to do right by America's dependents.

One of the things my boss is very happy about me is that I have no "agenda." I'm not here to tell these people how they should think and do things. But I do have an agenda: It is to encourage these people to make their own informed decisions. I'm much enjoying the law/advice side of what I'm doing here. They seem to like my direct and common sense approach, but it is very difficult getting someone to admit something negative about anything we might propose. It's just not the way. It's impolite. Rather than offend by disagreeing with something I might advise that they don't want to follow, they agree and then do what they think is best anyway. It is a trifle frustrating if not infuriating until you realize you have to modify the way you communicate to make sure you're not only understood, but that everyone is really on the same page.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Friday, August 22, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Friday, August 22, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

I love the weekends.

Just chillin' and enjoying the island.

Ants are something I'm learning to accept, although I go after them from time to time. They don't bite. The ants are incredible. Leave something sweet on the table for ten minutes and they're right there. At the office, I'm always moving drinks around so they don't scent it.

There are freshwater eels on Pohnpei. Cool. I love unagi. But the locals don't eat them. Some think they're dirty and muddy tasting, but there's another story: Some families here believe that these eels are part of their clan. They're totems, worshipped in a way, some kind of ancestral or family connection. There are stories that when people die, the eels come up to the surface and mourn, and something about them climbing trees or something in their mourning. At the river, I was sitting on a rock and one came up to the surface and was eyeing me. I thought it was neat. Lynn didn't.

I didn't lose the machete'. Turns out Lynn, Peter and I totally forgot I left it with her uncle who owns a beach area, sakau bar and little shop, and we all just totally forgot. The CRS (can't remember shit) syndrome is very common here, though less and less so with me than it was in the beginning. The machete' was embarrassingly dull, and he said he knew a guy who'd get it sharp for me. I like him. He was a real hell-raiser as a kid, but he's in his mid/late forties now. We talk and he asks for my legal advice about this land dispute he has in court with a cousin of his. I think he's going to lose the case, but I think he's been screwed by his cousin and his lawyer.

Anyway, I was planning on visiting him this weekend, as I enjoy his company and conversation, and just wanted to visit. He was on the road behind me today when I went to lunch and flashed his lights to flag me down, and told me about having my machete'. So, I'll go visit him this weekend. I need to take him something in thanks, and respect, and friendship, but I'm not sure what. Bringing sakau to a sakau bar owner is like bringing ice to eskimos. Lynn will know what to bring. I don't know if I mentioned that the last time we visited we were having a really nice time and he grilled some fish for us, that was very, very good.

Boy, I eat a lot of fish. I have very little interest in red meat. Chicken and pork chops are OK. The hamburger is over-cooked, which is probably a good idea, but no real nutrient value. I did have an Australian steak once, that was decent. And my boss made some lamb from Australia or New Zealand that was very good. I wish there were alternatives to the white rice, cabbage, carrots, potatoes, eggs ~ starches and bad cholesterol stuff. There are no fresh vegetables besides those kinds of staples on the island right now. The ship(s) don't come in for another couple of weeks, and local grocers don't know how to order. I did buy some yellow corn the other day. I almost didn't, until I saw someone load up with about six bags full, and realized that I better buy it when I see it, so I bought a bag and it's in the freezer, along with a DiGiorno pizza and some tasteless strawberry ice cream.

Peter and I went to have lunch at "WalMart." (There appear to be no enforceable trademark laws around here.) So, I'm eating and I hear this voice that says, "so how's lunch?" or something like that. It was Lynn, who'd been sent on an errand to buy something by her mother. It was nice to see her. She couldn't stay long. Peter, the 26 yr. old college intern at the office that is one of my best local friends, is a "player," never been with a woman longer than three months, afraid of commitment. Yesterday he was playing hooky from the office and called me around 4:30 p.m. to come to his place. He had two college age girls with him, and wanted me to come party. I didn't want to, as I'm very happy with Lynn, and have no interest in getting that "local," although I'm sure it would have been fun. Not my style.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Thursday, August 21, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

Thursday, August 21, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

The "Naniken" of the municipality of U, which is where I live, in the village of Awak Pah (lower Awak) was in the office today, and I missed meeting him. He wanted to meet me. I did too. Good to show your respect to your Naniken, eh? There are two traditional lines of hereditary titles. The two highest in western terms are the N'marki and the Naniken (both ph). They're sort of equal titles in terms of rank, but have different authority. The first is more like a king you pay respect to with the first ripe fruits from the lands you're given to farm; the second more like a prime minister, settling land disputes and other matters. Haven't gotten a very in-depth understanding of that yet, but am working on it. It's important. Because I think some sad damage has been done here by forcing western and Japanese ways on these people.

The Germans, the Japanese, the Americans, all foisted their own way of thinking about such matters on these people, and it's rather messed them up. They're trying to get back to traditional ways ~ it's in their Constitution that such things are to be considered ~ but it's not easy in the days of TV, cell phone, airplanes, and Internet. It's too late. It's a shame. There's much the world could learn about the way things are done here. And this is just Pohnpei I'm talking about. The other states ~ Kosrae, Chuuk, Yap ~ are all different. All have different traditions and expectations. I'm focusing on learning about Pohnpei, because it's where I live. But, because of that's where the caseload comes from, I need to learn the Chuukese ways too.

Lynn's kids have been sick. Cold or flu, or something. I haven't seen them recently, and I didn't see Lynn for a couple of days, because of it, but I saw her last night briefly. So nice to be with her. We talk, we laugh, we touch, we love.

I woke up with a scratchy throat.

I'm going out to drop in on a meeting of the "Mehn Why Band." Ex-pats who are in a little music band. I may get an invite to jam with them. Otherwise, it's a place to grab some sashimi and tempura. I had sashimi and parrot fish for lunch, and rice and macaroni (no fresh food shipments for another couple of weeks, in terms of vegetables). When I was a kid living on Kwajalein in the Marshall Islands, we were told we can't eat fish that eats coral, but parrot fish is the tastiest I've had here, except for one I don't know what it is that I had last Saturday from the grill ~ gray, with skin as tough as rhinocerous hide, but when cooked to done, it peels right off.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Thursday, August 21, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Thursday, August 21, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

The government agencies here want to be told what to do. Part of it, maybe half, is that they'd rather pass off the work to us. Not all. There are some good hard workers, but some will try and have us do what they should be doing. I've had meetings where they knew what to do, they just needed a memo from us outlining, being told, what they should do. The other part is probably ingrained from a century-plus of occupation ~ Germany, Japan, U.S., and the Spanish before all that ~ and just being told what to do. It's easier for them that way. Just to do as they're told. I want them to make their own decisions, to do their own work, with advice from us, where needed. It's a lot of why I've wanted to come out here ever since law school. The AG and another lawyer in my office feel the same way.

Speaking of the AG, there's an odd feeling in the office that would've seriously disoriented me a month ago, or maybe it hasn't sunk in yet. The AG's contract expired a week ago. Because of personnel regulations, he can't be appointed temporarily pending Congressional confirmation of his re-appointment. The president has already submitted his name. Congress doesn't come back until next week, on the 25th. So, he's been contracted as a "consultant," but has no authority. Another lawyer in the office is "acting" AG. No serious tension there, just a bit, it's just the hurry-up-and-wait thing. And another lawyer, the chief of litigation (there are only three of us in litigation including him) is applying for a job in the Cook islands as head of their department of banking and finance. Not legal, administrative; and he had 12 yrs. experience with the FDIC. He thinks he's on the short list, the AG doesn't think he'll get the job. I like working with these guys. Would hate to see them go. The uncertainty about whether they'll be here or not is ... just ... Micronesia. I'm not freaked out about it the way I would've been a month ago. But the lack of stability in who my co-workers are and who my boss is going to be at any given moment is still a bit disconcerting.

What a day yesterday, work-wise. I have more and more authority to direct other departments than I'm used to. Yesterday afternoon, I directed Immigration to allow two Taiwan fishing vessels to off-load their sashimi grade tuna on Chuuk and depart. Had it been delayed, it wouldn't have been sashimi grade anymore, and the plane to take it to Japan would have meant lost profits. The issue was undocumented seamen. No passports, expired seaman's cards. They had similar documentation problems as the first one from yesterday. (All sorts of shenanigans with our own people going on we're trying to get a handle on. We suspect our immigration people on Chuuk are involved in a "shake down" of at least one company.)

It appears the secretaries haven't been giving me messages when Lynn calls. It's happened before. If I'm not in, or am in a meeting, they don't write it down, and I don't know she's called until I see or talk to her later after work. I don't know if they're messing with me, or with her. Maybe in Micronesian ways they think the man isn't concerned with such calls. Maybe they think they're doing me a favor. Whatever, I'm going to have to get firm with them on this.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Wednesday, August 20, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

Wednesday, August 20, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

Tommorrow, I'm sitting in on a "negotiation" involving a Taiwanese fishing transport ship whose manifest showed they were supposed to have 16 sailors on board but only 11 showed up in port. Where are the others? Six of those who were on board had expired "sailors cards" (something like that, a sailor's version of a passport - under International law, they don't require passports, the captain's manifest or log is enough if their cards aren't expired.). So, they're illegally in our waters. We've seized the vessel, and tomorrow, we'll "negotiate" a financial way for them to get out without charging them criminally. Plus, the vessel is owned by a nationally (FSM) chartered fishing corporation, with separate private counsel.

I've given advice on tax matters, a proposed bankruptcy law, insurance matters, customs and duties cases. I've looked into eviction proceedings of squatters who took over a nationally leased copra warehouse and set up a store in it. Land dispute issues here are far from simple for someone of my training. My background back home is in civil rights, administrative and employment law. I have no practical experience in any of the stuff I'm working on. But I'm back in learning mode, and loving it. Things are so simplified here, so reduced from the ages-grown complexities of American and English law, that I'm learning to ride the waves, read the law (such as there is) and go by my common-sense instincts, combined with trying to incorporate local custom.

We sub-contract (sort of) the housing of national prisoners to the state police, with "Joint Law Enforcement Agreements." The state of Chuuk ("Truk") isn't cooperating, and our JLEA has expired. Our prisoners haven't been fed, and we could be liable. This is an area I DO know about, and the law here is pretty plain that we could be liable, if a claim was brought for prisoner abuse. We have to get our prisoners out of there.

I've already shared about the tensions on Chuuk between them and FSM because of three cases I've inherited involving a local mayor and clan chief, accused of election law violations in two cases and crimes of violence against FSM officials in another. Somehow I doubt I'll get to dive any wrecks out there. I mean, I don't want my regulator hose cut, y'know?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Wednesday, August 20, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

Wednesday, August 20, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

A package my mother sent from a month ago hasn't arrived yet. They say it's not unusual, but in the future, I would definitely recommend sending everything by air, not boat. Mail can get to Hawaii in a couple of days, but after that, it's anyone's guess.

Lynn's home with the kids. They're sick, cold or flu. We're trying to cool it a bit, anyway, for the sake of extended family domestic tranquility, which is a good idea, although I do need to go spend some quality time just with her mom. Lynn took the kids to the state hospital today. The public hospitals are atrocious. No medicine, no pharmacy to speak of.

There are private clinics and pharmacies, which is where 90% of the people with insurance or money go. I know this because I'm working with the Insurance Department about contracts with private and public hospitals, Micronesian managed health care, so-to-speak, reviewing contracts, memoranda of understanding, procedure manuals, handbooks, and advising on procedure.

I have this whacko tax case I'm supposed to be defending. Local merchants are supposed to take 3% sales on transactions for Pohnpei state sales tax. Somewhere in the last couple of years, someone in my office decided to invoke sovereign immunity on behalf of the FSM national government against state sales taxes on retail purchases and refused to pay it, if it was separately itemized. Then the same idiot suggested, in writing, that if it was "embedded," i.e., didn't show on the receipt that it was a separate tax, then we would pay it. So you have someone from the AG's office advising merchants, in effect, to lie in their reporting to the state and national governments. And whether it's "embedded" or not, whether the national government pays or not, the state of Pohnpei is charging the tax to the merchants, and assessing penalties if they don't. So, the state of Pohnpei is taxing the merchants for taxes they're supposed to collect from us that we don't pay....

Add to that a separate issue: the national government taxes gross receipts. And we've been taxing gross receipts to include state sales taxes collected. So, we're taxing them on taxes they collect for the state that are not in any way "receipts" to them. Absurd legal reasoning coming from my office from people long gone. Common sense out the window with lawyering shenanigans.

So, I'm going to settle the case as fast as I can. We'll pay the state sales tax, we won't tax the state taxes they collect as part of gross receipts, and we'll have to calculate who we owe what back to. That'll make a lot of powerful merchants around here rather happy.

Next month, I'm going to stand in for one of our lawyers who'll be out of the office in a parole hearing. The guy killed two other guys with a diving knife when he was 17, alcohol induced. He was also charged with carrying a weapon while under the influence. He got 6 years for one manslaughter, 10 years for the other, unknown about the "carrying" charge, but I think it ran concurrent. While in prison he plead guilty to aggravated assault on another inmate. He attacked another inmate with a machete' while doing grounds work somewhere. Add three years on top of that for a total of 19 years. Doesn't sound like much by our standards for two murders and a separate assault, but it is by theirs. Nineteen years in a Pohnpeian prison is a long time. He's 46 now, and has a year and a half to go. They're eligible for parole consideration after serving 1/3 of their term.

We're not opposing his parole, but going with the ombudsman's recommendation. It's absolutely intriguing. The ombudsman is a court official who investigates these things and makes recommendations. What's so fascinating is the incorporation of Micronesian culture, customs and tradition into legal proceedings, criminal and civil. He spoke to the victim of the assault, who's given his "forgiveness," a ritual ceremony often involving the families of the wrongdoer and the victim. He's spoken to the family of the manslaughter victims who've forgiven him, except for the father of one and the sister of the other, who want him to serve the whole 19 years.

Now, this is fascinating, because back in the States there's been a big controvery among prosecutors and defense lawyers about "victim impact" statements. And many groups like VOCAL (Victims of Crime and Leniency) are really making a lot of headway in being heard in the courts opposing parole, and making statements about sentencing. But the culture here has already had that sort of thing incorporated in its justice system. For centuries. And combined with the ritual of the forgiveness ceremony, where the family of the wrongdoer goes and asks forgiveness of the family of the actual victim, is just really something. Totally unheard of in our culture.

The ombudsman spoke to family members of the defendant who say they'll be there to help keep him on the straight and narrow, and want him back to help farm the land and feed the family. (Land ownership and working the land is a whole 'nother thing that is absolutely fascinating for someone who never cared about that area of the law.) He spoke to the corrections and police officials, who say he's been a model prisoner the last few years, and should be given a chance. He spoke to clan leaders who say they'll make sure he does what he's supposed to. They have a built-in parole/probation system here, all based on family and clan hierarchy, loyalty and respect that's totally foreign to western sensibilities.

The only problem is that after he's paroled, he'll be moving into my neighborhood. Although I daresay, he won't have anything against me personally, since I'm not opposing his parole.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Wednesday, August 20, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Wednesday, August 20, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

It's morning here. "Mae sung mwao" (good morning) (ph). It's late afternoon back on the East Coast. "Sochek mwao" (good evening)(ph). (The "(ph)" means I'm spelling it phonetically. If I write "(sp)" after something, it means I'm not sure of the spelling.)

I have an idea that someone may have taken the machete' out of my car when we were at the beach last. There was a suspicious guy sort of hanging around. People hanging around and congregating is not unusual. And you share whatever you've brought with people you may meet. So, I wasn't keeping inventory.

If anyone reading this thinks the drama in my love life is confusing from where they sit, they should try it from where I'm sitting. I'm also beginning to suspect Lynn may have sort of orchestrated the whole thing, too, and allowed people to get the wrong impression. What I thought was going to be a simple sign of respect by asking "permission" to see Lynn had much more meaning than I was led to believe. I tried to get it out of Lynn what it would mean, in depth, in advance; but all she would say was that it didn't mean we were getting married, so I took her at her word. Now, I'm not so sure, as the locals are beginning to refer to her as my wife....

Lynn has a rebellious nature when it comes to customary ways and tradition-based expectations, which in the beginning sort of bridged the cultural divide between us. However, with me trying to take my cues from her, and what she says, and with her not always thinking through the consequences of her rebellious ways, she gets herself in trouble with family and clan. And family ties being what they are here, it's like Lynn trying to walk with me with one end of a big rubber band around her waist, and the other end wrapped around the family. We get only so far and she gets snapped back.

The father of Lynn's children lives in Guam. He hasn't sent child support since he learned of me. I don't know if it's to punish Lynn, or if he assumes I'll just provide. Certain others in Lynn's clan make the latter assumption: that he's no longer responsible; that Lynn is officially with me now, and supporting her and her family is my responsibility. Um, the travel guide books didn't say anything about that.

I talked to Lynn about going to court to get child support. There isn't any court order. She won't do it, because she's afraid the father will take it out on the kids, or it will embarass and alienate the kids from him when they get older to know their mom took their dad to court. And she wants the kids to know their father, as she grew up without one. I encountered the same thinking in the States when I was in private practice, but here, it's so ingrained in the thinking about family relations that it's simply unimagineable to do that ~ to take the father to court for what he owes the kids. It is not my place to change that kind of thinking, because it's cultural. It has to come slowly, over time.

I sure do like her a lot. We laugh together, feel good together, talk a lot. And she's a good teacher. Se-se ("I don't know").

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Tuesday, August 19, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Tuesday, August 19, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Well, the "permission" event blew up in Lynn's face the next day, or the day after, and we're regretting it. Everyone think's she's crazy and being disrespectful to her mom, that she's throwing away her future with the father of the children, who's on Guam. They want to know why she's not moving in with me. Monday was a very hard day for her, and we wound up talking late into the night, trying to figure out whether to split up, or what because the family pressure is overwhelming. No answers. They thought they were gathering to hear me propose. Lynn said, so I thought, we were going to just talk to her mom and ask permission to see each other. She didn't think it through and it became some public event that shouldn't have been. I didn't know this at the time, or until Monday night. Lynn's mom told her not to worry about what other people think, which should be all that matters, but I have no idea where it stands now. We're just trying to slow it down and take things day by day.

I can't find my machete'.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Sunday, August 17, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

Sunday, August 17, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

So, tonight, I went, and asked permission. Of the family, the mom, the family leader of the clan. We've slept together a month, and tonight I asked permission to be with her, to see her. Family from around the island came. A mehn why who's married to one of the clan came.

Some of Lynn's uncles are not happy about it. They think I'm going to take over raising her kids from their father, and that Lynn should stay true and wait for him to return. Lynn and I both know that's not in the plan.

All I was doing was showing respect to the family by asking permission to see her. It's like going back in time a hundred years....

We went to the family "naz," the thatched covered structure that somehow catches the breezes, where people come to be together, to talk, laugh, settle disputes, sleep. I brought fresh sakau, the pepper plant, that later, after, they pounded into the slightly narcotic drink, pounded on rocks, squeezed through strands of the inner bark of the hibiscus tree, served in a half coconut shell, passed around.

And, to her family and clan, I expressed my love and caring for Lynn. And asked permission to see her. We had waited for someone to come to interpret. Which he did. And after they passed around four cups of sakau, it was time for me to give a "speech." Lynn even dressed me for the occassion, a white Ron Jon muscle shirt. And I said what I had to say. And there were some questions. What I did. What about her girls. Questions that I wasn't unprepared for.

And after I spoke, the head of the clan (the local sakau bar owner) spoke for a long time. I heard "mehn why" twice. I heard "Kahlangen" (thank you) many times toward the end. I learned later, from talking with Lynn's mom, that he was expressing concern that two of Lynn's aunts had married mehn why, and been left by them. But he was expressing thanks for my showing of respect. And I received "permission." (That was already kind of in the bag.) And I was welcomed into the family.

And after that, we sat in the naz, and they pounded sakau, and I spoke with Lynn's mom, and told her about us, my family, about me, about Lynn and me. Sitting on cement, cross legged, or legs spread forward. Twenty or thirty people there, all family. All ages, grandmas and cousins and aunts holding babies. And Lynn's mom and I had a real heart-to-heart, and I was open with her. She has much magic. What she does with children is phenomenal. I told her I thought she'd like my mom, and that I thought my mom would like her.

There is such chaos here, and such order. And most people would think me crazy for what I'm doing. But I'm not. I want to share this, but I don't want to sound like a social anthropologist. I don't know. But I do know that I am happy. Somewhere, I woke up in a dream.

Pum Mwau (sp) (Good night.)

Friday, July 18, 2008

Sunday, August 17, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Sunday, August 17, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

We went swimming in the ocean yesterday. Met at a sakau bar owned by a friend of relatives of hers. We wound up discussing a land dispute he has in court here against a cousin of his involving the man-made beach we were swimming at. Absolutely fascinating, considering how you factor in oral agreements and customary law, which differs in some ways from real property law in the U.S.

Some off-duty cops showed up that we made friends with and then wound up going to a river with. In the river were freshwater eels. Wow. Lynn was disgusted and afraid of them. They don't eat them here. Isn't that what unagi sushi is? Anyway, another great day. Until the night.

The sea of domestic tranquility is becoming more turbulent these days. We're fine by ourselves, but family pressure on Lynn, and her rebellious nature are taking their toll, and she takes it out on me when it gets late. I couldn't figure it out before, but she may have a split personality, triggered by manic depression, low self-esteem, abuse of sakau and alcohol, other things. I do know that the highs are very high with her, and the lows between us very sad and low. A lot has to do with her mother being here until Sunday, and Lynn's guilt because she's neglecting her family responsibilities to be with me.

Not that I ask her to. I'm trying to take my cues from her, but she doesn't make the right call that often when it comes to family responsibility. Her family is very mad at her about us. They think Lynn's not being respectfull to her mother and her clan. Most locals think I'm cool, and I don't think I'm the problem.

Lynn asked me to "ask permission" of her mother. We've been together a month, sleeping together every night but one or two. Everyone on island knows. I was asked by a mehn why female lawyer the other day if I'm married yet. Some people here treat us as if we are. Lynn insists that "asking permission" doesn't mean we're getting married. What I'm not sure of is where it is on the line between asking permission to date (which is something they don't actually do here) and being engaged. Despite the turbulence between us, I don't want to see other people. I want to be with her. The turbulence is caused by intra-family conflict about how she's been behaving.

So, I think what's going to happen is that I'm going to take fresh sakau (the raw pepper plant, about 30 lbs. worth) and ask permission of her mother. I'm going to lay out my truth of where I'm at, and that I want "permission" to see Lynn. It's approval and acceptance that I think we're talking about. It's about respect.

I've not been to Nan Madol or climbed Sokeh's Rock, yet. Lots of things I haven't done. Plenty of time to do all that. In the meantime, I'm learning tons lots more than I would being a tourist.

For breakfast we had mangrove crab and rice. Her uncle caught a small one the other night and I killed it and put it in the freezer. Boiled it this a.m. with some garlic powder, salt and pepper. I like the legs and claws; Lynn likes the inner parts (not the gills).

I'm getting slowly darker. Haven't burned at all, which is amazing.

My mother asks if there are cows on the island and if not, where does the milk come from? There are. Haven't seen them. The milk is in some non-refridgerated container that everyone buys. Interesting question, as I'd just asked Lynn the same thing.

My mother next asks what's the school system like, and in what language are the children taught? The schools are good enough, kindergarten through 6th grade, I'm told. After that, bad. English is the common language here. Every state speaks something different, so English is the common language for all. Although some speak it better than others.

My mother next asks what Lynn's mother is doing on Guam. My mother asks a lot of questions I don't think to ask. Answer: She lives there with her husband. Details unknown. Somehow, I think they'd like each other. Long hair, missing an eye tooth or two, others crowned with gold. But she's clearly in command while here. She's been nice to me the one time I was with her. Ten children, 53 yrs. old, looks older. But there's something strikingly beautiful about her somehow. Sakau drinker and betel nut chewer. But not to excess, from what I've seen. She has a great way with babies, rocking them without a rocking chair. And this is the woman I need to go see tonight to ask permission to see Lynn. I can't say I know what I'm doing, but I'm trying to do right and be happy.

The connection between here and Guam is very strong. A lot of locals from here go there, get involved in drugs and alcohol, and come back very messed up, I'm told.

It's early afternoon, but I need some rest before tonight.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Friday, August 8, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Friday, August 8, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Lynn's mother arrived yesterday. It took two cars and a truck to take her and the people she brought with her and the big cardboard boxes of stuff she brought and all the people who came to meet her home. She brought Lynn's oldest, Brinnet, plus two babies, plus all these packages, and someone I think is Lynn's half-sister with her. When I was introduced, I said "Kasalehlie mein," which is "Hello, ma'am (or sir)." She said "Kasalehlie. Irrrum?" Which is "Hello, How are you." I still can't remember the correct response to that, so I said "Mwau," which means "Good."

Lynn wanted me to drop by the sakau bar her uncle owns after work, but I felt it'd be more proper for the family to by themselves, as I'd be the only mehn why there, and I needed a little time alone to collect thoughts. I wound up giving a colleague a lift home and stayed with them a few hours. We ordered Chinese from a little restaurant down the way, and after about an hour they delivered it, on foot. Tremendously pretty little Chinese girl/woman. It's the first time I've had Chinese food since I've been here. Pretty good.

My colleague Anthony, is chief of litigation (there's only three of us that litigate for the whole country). His wife, Marianne, is wild. She was in an accident some years ago. She stays at home all day and drinks beer ("behru") all day. Very opinionated, strong-willed.

They're both odd, but good together. They adopted a little Pohnpein girl, just beautiful kid. The birth family still keeps in touch and drops by and asks for money and such. She was scribbling with crayons last night and I took one and made a sketch of her face in purple crayon.

K'nease was at their house when we came. Spends a lot of time over there when the AG is not around. He just bums booze and smokes, a real mooch. It's really annoying. To my sensibilities, anyway. You have to learn to say "no" but it's hard, because that's just not exactly the culture here. My friend Peter has borrowed $20 a couple of times before payday, but he's always paid me back. I gave K'nease a ride home from Anthony and Marianne's. They live in Kolonia, I'm in Awak Pah (lower Awak) which is about 10 minutes away. K'nease has a title, Samisun (sp?). It's apparently a fairly low rank, but a title nonetheless. I much prefer him in Lynn's company than in the company of Mehn why. He communicates much better and is far more interesting when he is among fellow Pohnpeins.

Anthony's resume' is quite interesting. He worked as a litigator for the FDIC for many years, for Legal Aid in West Virginia before that. He's travelled to South America many times, loves archaelogical ruins, is a good lawyer, quite smart. He renewed his contract recently, but is job-hunting. Just sent off a resume' to be the head of banking and finance for New Zealand. It pays about $25,000 US, but you have to figure in the low cost of living and no U.S. taxes. He's 54.

Lynn was their housekeeper. Marianne threw us together and then just stopped using Lynn to clean their house. Very, very odd. Unexplainable, and I can't inquire, as it's not my place, to speak on Lynn's behalf with Marianne through Anthony. Anyway, Lynn found another housekeeping job recently, with a Pohnpein family.

I think last night was the first night since Lynn and I have been together that I've slept alone. I left the guitar on the futon and when I'd move my leg and touch it, I thought it was her. Actually, not the bed, but the borrowed futon. Lynn and I prefer it. It always felt so damp before, but I have a blanket on top of it, and that makes it feel fine. Otherwise, just a sheet, and the fans blowing, and I sleep fine.

Time to shower and get on to work. As usual, I spend more time writing than I originally intend.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Thursday, August 7, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Thursday, August 7, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

I'm finally starting to dispose of garbage the local way: by throwing leftover foodstuffs out in the front yard. Plenty of dogs and cats wandering by that come and clean it up, and you'd never know I did it. A cat that I thought I'd run off has come back. It mews all the time. But Lynn says it's good luck to have a cat ("ketch") that you don't own adopt you, so I've changed my attitude about the cat. It has a ringed tail, like a raccoon. So I'm going to call her Rocky.

My sister asks whether I feel funny not being an expert in anything anymore, with all the new things I'm learning here. It is actually very different being back in learning mode. And I'm loving it. Practicing law here is like what it must have been like practicing in the old west... by the seat of your pants. The guy that moseys into town with a law book or two gets to set himself up as a lawyer. That's just how it's done. Everyone does it. So, once I got used to that idea, things got more and more interesting, relaxed, and fun.

During work hours I learn new law; after work, I learn to speak Pohnpein and about Pohnpein culture, customs and traditions. I haven't been a student in a long time.

Lynn's Mom and four year old daughter are flying in today. I'm driving Lynn to the airport to pick them up. They leave Sunday. Should be interesting in the days and weeks ahead.

Last night, Lynn and I were sitting on the porch steps, talking, listening to music. Full moon, starlight sky, just the light coming from one bulb in the kitchen coming through the windows, a tender breeze every once in a while. Lynn told me to go get the flashlight, quick!! I went, couldn't find it immediately, found it, gave it to her. She shined it on a crab that had been crawling toward me up the steps. A red thing, hard shell, about the size of the Maryland soft shell crabs, maybe a little larger, nothing like the humongous Mangrove crabs. It would've pinched me on the butt, if I hadn't moved. We laughed about that. I asked if we should cook it. She made a look of disgust about the crab. I asked if they ate that kind; she said no. Later, my neighbor K'nease came by. My age, but looks 15 yrs. older. He said those crabs were good eating. People from different clans have different attitudes and superstitions about what can and can't be eaten.

More on K'nease: I'm a few months older than him. He was injured. Some say he fell asleep drunk on the side of the road and his head was rolled over by a car. K'nease says he was attacked from behind by someone with a sickle. Both stories plausible. Injured badly in the head, in the motor function area. He recovered for the most part. He and my boss, who lives nearby, walk together a lot, and K'nease hangs around him a lot. He appears as a sloppy lazy drunk, and he does get drunk quickly. Bums smokes. Doesn't work his land, which offends the other locals. But Lynn and Peter sense there's a lot more to him, and we've been talking to him about culture and tradition here, and learning a lot. Two nights ago, Lynn and he were talking and he said to her to speak in English, so I could understand. I told them it was OK, because I was actually rather following what they were saying. They mix English in with their language at times ~ it's not pidgin, it's just the way the speak, because there aren't Pohnpeian words for a lot of things that come from America ~ and I could pick up some nouns and names of places, and ideas, and inflection. So, I was perfectly happy listening without knowing word-for-word what they were saying.

Sex roles. So interesting for the "liberated" American male to adjust to. Lynn doesn't want me to clean. We share cooking, but she cooks for me more than I do for her. It's what America must have been like in the 50's. A Pohnpeian version of Ozzie and Harriet. But I think it's important to her for her to do that kind of thing for me, because it's her contribution, and she says feels bad otherwise. Didn't really realize that until yesterday, after a talk I had with my young friend Peter.

We've been together a month. All the locals assume we're married, but we're careful to try to disabuse them of that notion. Try, anyway.

My sister and mom think I've got a talent for learning languages. I don't know about that. It's not like I've ever been fluent in anything. But it's just about a desire to learn, to understand, to be understood. Being somewhat empathic helps. As does having a self-taught musical ear. People speak softer here, I speak softer, everyone does. Maybe it makes you listen closer.

I bought myself a guitar on the way home from work yesterday. A cheap, cheap, cheap almost toy-like thing for $60.50. It needs new strings, and I'm not even sure the island has any. The only way to get decent sound out of it is to be real soft and gentle with it. But then, for the most part, that's true of everything here.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Wednesday/Thursday, August 6/7, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Wednesday, August 6, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Yes. Much melancholia here. And extremes of every other emotion you can name. Welcome to Pohnpei.

Lynn and I are back together at the moment. I don't know what freaked her out. But it doesn't take much out here to get one to change one's thoughts 180 degrees. Welcome to Pohnpei.

The idea and practice of extended family here is so strong, they think nothing of leaving a child with an aunt or auntie (great aunt) or grandmother. It's just done. Something someone who come from a small nuclear family is totally unfamiliar with. Very convenient for me, but I don't know what it'll be like when we're permitted to get closer, in the open, and the children enter the picture.

I bought a tuna at the fish market today. The charcoal on the hibatchi wouldn't light. Too damp. Couldn't find lighter fluid. Lynn made sashimi, and I cooked half the tuna in the oven. 450 degrees for half an hour, marinated in onion, soy, pepper and some green onion-ish/spinach-ish type vegetable. Turned out pretty good. A little over-cooked maybe, but not bad for my first time. I gutted it, but Lynn fileted it.

We're talking. It's hard in many ways. Not the idyllic island life I shared in the beginning. In truth, the same universal issues between men and women you find anywhere. Because no matter where you go, there you are. Anyway, we're working on them. Welcome to Pohnpei.

Thursday, August 7, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

What to say about today? "Se-se." (I don't know.) I think my watch has been stolen. Can't find it. A lot of cash out of my wallet too. I spent a lot this weekend, buying supplies and treating the four of us, but not that much. I think it was Lynn's friend, Reveline. I don't think Peter would do that to me. Nor Lynn. But I really don't know what to think at the moment. I don't want to accuse anyone, but .... I'm still a bit freaked out about what's going on between Lynn and me. Am I being used? Am I using her?

I came home intending to be alone tonight, but Lynn called and wants to see me. "Se-se."

A good day at work, but not terribly productive, I don't think. I'm working on such a diversity of issues. I got handed a tax case yesterday where I think the other side is right and we're wrong. I may be able to settle it. The cases in Chuuk (Truk) are really messed up. Same lawyer on both cases. An American, very thorough, and creative. He writes much too much though. There's no real law here on a lot of issues, no serious precedent, so everything's open to shoot from the hip on. A very odd thing for me, but I'm getting used to it. I'm worried it'll make me sloppy when I return.

I think I've shared about sitting in on an FSM Congressional Committee hearing for the public to solicit input on a Bankruptcy bill, and another bill to create incentives for people to reinvest here. Imagine: a place with no bankruptcy law in place. The first was 16 or 18 pages double-spaced, but not too bad. The "incentives" bill was more for discussion purposes, but it really made local merchants angry. And for good reason, the way I read it.

They are a deceptive and dis-trustful people, hiding their mistrust behind their smile. I hate that I may have to put emotional walls back up to protect myself from being deceived. But, the more simple things seem, the more complicated they really are. "Se-se."

Monday, July 14, 2008

Tuesday, August 5, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Tuesday, August 5, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Lynn, for reasons totally unrelated to what Peter tells me about how to treat her and not to trust her, likes Peter, but also doesn't trust him. He's got a great sense of humor, and is very forward and direct, like Lynn. They've both spent time on Guam, and that "American-izes" them a lot.

Lynn says, because she suspects for reasons I don't comprehend, that Peter lies about his heritage ~ that he's not Pohnpein, but Mokolese, a different island. He's says he's pure Pohnpein. Mwokiloa (Mokol (ph)) is an atoll about 100 miles away. Lynn is fiercely possessive of her paternal link to Pingelap, which is somewhere between here and Kosrae, the State (of the four) to the east of Pohnpei. East to west, it's Kosrae, Pohnpei, Chuuk, Yap. This whole country has 125,000 people less than the rinky-dink city I left, and the inter-tribal and clan rivalries are incredible. There are five kingships on this island. But that's nothing. The kings are called N'marki (ph). Everyone else has titles upon titles.

Take every racial/ethnic conflict you can imagine in the States and just condense them, then spread them out over a million square miles of ocean. Back home, depending on where you live, it's between black and white; or it's white and latino; or in certain cities, it's white and other groups ~ Iranians, Iraquis, Arab, whoever we've decided to pick a fight with at the time. Or it's between different religious groups. The more things are different, the more they are the same. The ACLU wouldn't have a clue what to do here. I certainly don't. Yet.

Both Peter and Lynn seem to know me very well on an intuitive level. Both have their own, but not so different, way of teaching me what it means to live here. Some explaining, more and more just throwing me in the water to teach myself to swim.

I'm going to hate not being with Lynn, but I understand it's probably for the best for both of us. Such passion here.

It's raining right now. On. Off. The soft, gentle Microneisan rain I love. Lynn and I are going to talk, and, more importantly, be with each other today. I don't know what will happen after, let alone today.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Monday, August 4, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Monday, August 4, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Lynn is breaking up with me. The other night, we went out with my young Pohnpein friend, Peter (26 years old), and someone who lives nearby me that Lynn fixed him up with, Reveline (18-19 yrs. old, soon to graduate from high school). Peter and I picked up some stuff on the way, intending to buy food to cook, but everything's frozen at the big markets. Then, Lynn, Peter and I went shopping for supplies and foodstuffs elsewhere, and dinner to bring home, and then we were going out to a bar that Lynn likes, for dancing. We had a good time. Peter and Reveline, Lynn's friend, got along very, very well. We ate some "takeout," fish, rice, vegetables, etc. from "Wal-Mart." It was good. I know what to look for in cooked reef fish now.

I've got a machete, and a hibatchi now. Charcoal that's probably damp. Couldn't find lighter fluid. No microwave or rice cooker yet. Haven't decided what microwave to buy. Kind of pricey here. I think I just need something to heat water (for Ramen and tea) and warm up leftover food and rice in.

Friday night, we went out to a bar called "Rumors." Lynn was pushing me to dance with other women, including her young friend, Reveline, which was nice. Lynn kept pointing out this tall white woman for me to go dance with, which I didn't care to do, because I was with Lynn. She was dancing with other guys. I thought it was just a Pohnpein thing, or an island bar thing, people dancing with each other, having a good time, and didn't think about it. She would mention other women she knew I knew, one white woman, Julie, in particular. Julie's joining our office from the FSM Congress. On reflection, I realize Lynn was pushing me to finding someone else for when she leaves me.

Saturday, we went to a great little waterfall. We had a really good time. I thought we did. We did.

... And then Sunday Lynn spilled it that it was just too hard ~ the culture difference, her family, what about the future, other issues. She's had offers from two other guys to go out, and is inclined to take them up on it. Locals, who would be accepted by her family. I think she wants marriage, etc. She talks often of the differences between us ~ she's a housekeeper, I'm a lawyer; she's un-educated, I'm a lawyer; she's Pohnpein, I'm "mehn why"; I've got money, she's got nothing, nothing. I don't know what it is about me that brings that out in people ~ this comparison thing. It's not like I bring it up. On a conscious level, anyway. It's bizarre. She says my ability to provide is irrelevent, but of course it is. Isn't it? Whether I stay is what matters, the way Lynn talks. She's totally focused on me leaving in two years. She says she'd go with me anywhere, but I don't see her being able to live in the States, away from her family, despite how often she's mad with them. She does have two sisters in the States. My long distance bill back to Pohnpei would be murder.

We bickered the way back from a waterfall we visited with Peter and Lynn's friend Reveline. Peter wanted to go home and I wanted to accomodate him. I needed to be alone with Lynn to deal with what was going on, and he didn't want to be a spectator to our fighting. We got all the way to his house, near where I work, in Palikir, in Sokehs (I live in Awak Pah in "U"), and Lynn insisted on going out again. And that turned a bad dream into a nightmare. I let her drive. Big mistake. No better night driver than me, though I'd have done better, and I woud up yelling at her, which made it worse). We wound up back at my house and Lynn took a taxi back to the club we went to the night before, called "Rumors." Around 2:30 a.m. she called (I didn't expect to hear from her again) and asked me to come get her. I don't know why I did, but I did. Her home is, for Micronesians, walking distance, but I went and got her, and brought her to my home.

Peter tells me I've been and am being stupid with her. That I should "just use her." That she's using me. The "mehn why" keep telling me to be careful about local women. My ex- is furious about what I'm doing, and says the same as Peter ~ about whites, or men generally, being used by local women. I don't follow why it's so hard just to be happy with someone. I've been really happy with her, and it's getting complicated. She's happy with me, when she doesn't think about tomorrow....

There's a lot of mis-trust and dis-trust here, between all peoples. It's just on a more subtle level than anticipated. Until you get to know them. Then you realize how serious it is. It's the same all over. It's supposed to be paradise here. But it's far more than that. There's a tragedy to the place, to the people. People like me, with a "Mr. Fix-it" mentality don't help. That's been my mentality all my life. It hasn't worked there. It's not going to help here.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Sunday, August 3, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Sunday, August 3, 2003 ~ Pohnpei

Yes, Lynn and I are very relaxed together. I still haven't met her family, other than to maybe give a brother or cousin a ride somewhere. She can get so mad sometimes, but not with me. I know another Pohnpein, about her age that does too. More contradictions.

I'm trying to learn the language. "Kaselehlie" (kah-seh-leh-lee-uh) means hello and goodbye, like Aloha or Shalom. And if you want to be even more respectful when you say it, you say "Kasahlelie mine." And if you're addressing more than one person, you say "Kasahlelie mine ko." And I know please and thank you (same word ~ "kalangen" or "menlau" ~ the former being the more formal). I know the word for white person (mehn why), and dog (kidi, sounds like "kitty"), and cat (ketch). Lots of words that start with "k" here. It's a pretty sounding language, with rolled "r's" and subtlety to its inflection that I'm sure I just mangle. I'm trying to learn, but my memory is crap out here, and I've always been a visual person when it comes to words. I need to see it in writing, which doesn't help out here, as the words aren't spelled phonetically.

The AG and I took a ride and had lunch the other day, to talk about me staying or going. He just wants a commitment that I'll work hard. I told him I'd give him one, so he's starting the moving process of my household goods back in the States back up tomorrow.

People are so pretty out here, especially when they smile, which they do a lot. But don't look at the men too long. It's a challenge. People pass each other and smile in greeting, and the briefest of eye contact ~ an acknowledgment, like tipping your hat, or nodding, which you do to the men when you pass. Smile at the women, nod at the men. And the women walk with a lilt, one hip cocked slightly more foward than the left, with long black (soft) hair, and thin wraparound skirts, rarely pants. And they're clean. I've never been next to someone on this island who smelled bad. Probably the fish and rice diet.

The only thing that's not pretty is the betel nut chewers. (I know I'm repeating myself.) It's a stimulant. They wrap it with something they call "lime" (not the fruit) powder in a leaf and chew it. It turns your teeth reddish-brown. Then they spit it wherever they are, like someone spitting out chewing tobacco. So there are all these red spots on the road or in front of stores, or right where you're about to step out of your car in the parking lot. Kids, teenagers are doing it too. It used to be only an older person thing.

I was reviewing one of the travel guides on Micronesia the other day. It's interesting reading stuff now that has meaning. Places I've seen. Places that are in the book that I've been to. Descriptions of the people and things to do, restaurants I've eaten at.

I actually had a cheeseburger for lunch one day. Right outside my office are two competing stands that have wrapped cooked food, hard boiled eggs, sushi (with SPAM?), ramen noodles, etc. It's OK for something quick when you don't want to drive into Kolonia Town (I work at the capitol, in Palikir) which is about halfway between my house and work. The burger was weird, but edible. And they don't use relish, but cucumber. I also had something weird that was sold as a hot dog at the movies. I was telling Lynn about the Richardson movie theatre on Kwaj when I was a kid, an outdoor movie theatre with wooden benches. When it rained, people just put on their ponchos or unfolded their umbrellas like nothing happened, and kept watching through the rain. Lynn said that sounded like a good idea.

More on Pohnpeian funeral customs: You can tell someone's died because there are all these cars parked alongside the road, more than you'd see otherwise. The first night people bring sakau (the narcotic drink made from the pepper plant) and coffee, sugar, bread and pastries and stay up all night. The next day after the burial (they have to buried within two days because of the rapid decomposition in this environment, and there's no embalming ~ the bodies decompose and swell up pretty quickly in the heat and humidity), they cook a pig and eat a lot of food. The third day the women clean up, everyone makes up heaping plates of food and goes home. We passed a funeral yesterday and Lynn explained it all to me in more detail than I'd heard or read about it before. Death is so much more ... immediate here.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Saturday, August 2, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

Saturday, August 2, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei

Work's going well. Very productive day, yesterday, but by 4 p.m., I was beat. The last few hours of the day are often like that. You never know which way you're going to be pulled, or what new thing will be dropped in your lap. Very collaborative atmosphere for the most part. We review/edit each other's work, which I like. I got some real good criticism of some things I was working on, which I'd wanted for years, but never got.

The whites in the office ~ mehn why; haoles; gringoes; gaijin; gwai lo ~ seem to keep to themselves more than they should. Two of them anyway. The AG doesn't. And I don't. There's a young (26 yr. old) Pohnpein college intern that I've gotten friendly with, who gives me the male counterpart perspective to what Lynn says. They're much alike. They get mad at certain Micronesian mentalities, and mad at the weather with the same passion. Very intense feelings about certain things.

The overwhelming intensity of the place has calmed down for me. I can see details that I couldn't see before. Before, I felt like Dorothy stepping out of her black and white house from Kansas into a technicolor Oz. (Dorothy handled it a lot better than I did.) Now that I'm comfortable driving, I can sightsee a little better while driving.

My car's getting filthy inside, and I'm not sure why. I leave the windows rolled up when it's parked because you never know when it's going to rain.

The only gas stations here are Mobil Oil. There's only one airline service, Continental Micronesia, only one phone service, FSM Telecom. Sheer, out and out monopolies. People here resent it, and I can understand why. No competition, higher prices, much higher for those things than elsewhere.

I don't use a hair dryer anymore. I have a 20 minute drive to work, so with the windows down, it dries on the way in. I brush it when I come to a stop or slow for traffic. I think I may grow a pony tail again, although I'm going to ask Lynn to trim the rest for me this weekend. She did a great job on my beard a few weeks ago.

It rained a lot today. More continuously than it has since I've been here. All morning. Usually, since I've been here, it passes after ten minutes. But the house has been nice and cool. Usually, I sweat for the first hour I'm here after work.

I think I need to trade up to a truck of some sort. My car's good, but it's not always easy getting up my driveway after a rain.

Yesterday started out OK, but the afternoon turned into a bizarre nighmare of things going wrong. I don't even remember most of them. I'd dropped off my laundry at lunch at a place I'd been told did it for you. They did it two weeks ago. I went back after work and it wasn't done. They didn't have quarters. It was four loads worth, including the only sheets I had for the bed. What to do, what to do? Take it back home? Turns out that's not what they did, but the girl suggested I go up the street to a store and get $15 worth of quarters, and then come back in two hours or so, which I did. We got my laundry and I tipped the girl two bucks for doing my laundry.

So Lynn and I went to a famous or infamous little local bar called "Hideaway." A real dive, a local attraction for expats. The kind of place Popeye would've gone to, but smaller. There was one customer in there, an Aussie with a big bushy mustache. I invited him to play pool. Many Aussies here. The ones I've met are most worth talking to. The live broadcast news comes from an Australian network. The first few weeks I was here, I really didn't care to hear the news reported with an Aussie accent. Just too weird. Now, I don't even pay attention to the news.

Lynn went to a funeral today. Three day affairs here. The first night you bring coffee, rice, sugar, bread, pastry. There's much drinking of sakau and coffee, staying up all night. The second day they bury the body and there's a cooked pig and people bring lots of food. The third day, you clean up. Lynn spent the day serving. If you think about it, it's not unlike the Jewish tradition, or probably lots of funeral traditions around the world.

So much betel nut use here. Such a shame. They have the prettiest smiles. And the red-browned teeth just ruins it.

Lynn made me breadfruit salad two days ago. Her mother's recipe. Tasted just like American potato salad, with mayo, salt, pepper, chopped boiled egg, onion. Breadfruit is a pretty bland food, but I've actually developed a craving for it at times. Must have some nutrient in it I need. I'm told it's good with coconut milk. I'm not chasing coconut milk because of the cholesterol issue, but I love coconut juice from the green ones. Most refreshing. I drink a lot of Japanese fruit juice products. And use a Japanese soap that has a real nice light lavender smell.

People's night vision around here is really impressive. We're so used to having everything lit up for us at night. Not so here. Driving a winding mountain road at night with no street lights, you develop a sense of when to flick your brights on and off when driving. You rely on the moon and starlight to light the path. I love the night here. It's cool. The last few nights Lynn and I just sat on the front porch talking. Really late. Last night probably until 2 a.m. Not good for wanting to get up and get to work by 8 a.m., but I have. For some reason, the later it gets, the more we can understand each other without having to repeat ourselves. Thank goodness for roosters.

In order to acclimate, I don't use air con in the house (people here say "air con," not "AC"), but rely on fans. That's all great on reducing the need for electricity. I've also made it warmer in my office, trying to de-acclimatize from the use of air conditioning, so the transition between cold and warm/humid isn't so much. That's helped a lot. Today was a great no sweat day.