Beginning with my June 2008 post "It's Been Five Years," the following is the continuing story of my travels from the United States into Micronesia ~ Pohnpei, Guam and Saipan ~ and my life since June 2003.
Monday, August 4, 2003 ~ Pohnpei
Lynn is breaking up with me. The other night, we went out with my young Pohnpein friend, Peter (26 years old), and someone who lives nearby me that Lynn fixed him up with, Reveline (18-19 yrs. old, soon to graduate from high school). Peter and I picked up some stuff on the way, intending to buy food to cook, but everything's frozen at the big markets. Then, Lynn, Peter and I went shopping for supplies and foodstuffs elsewhere, and dinner to bring home, and then we were going out to a bar that Lynn likes, for dancing. We had a good time. Peter and Reveline, Lynn's friend, got along very, very well. We ate some "takeout," fish, rice, vegetables, etc. from "Wal-Mart." It was good. I know what to look for in cooked reef fish now.
I've got a machete, and a hibatchi now. Charcoal that's probably damp. Couldn't find lighter fluid. No microwave or rice cooker yet. Haven't decided what microwave to buy. Kind of pricey here. I think I just need something to heat water (for Ramen and tea) and warm up leftover food and rice in.
Friday night, we went out to a bar called "Rumors." Lynn was pushing me to dance with other women, including her young friend, Reveline, which was nice. Lynn kept pointing out this tall white woman for me to go dance with, which I didn't care to do, because I was with Lynn. She was dancing with other guys. I thought it was just a Pohnpein thing, or an island bar thing, people dancing with each other, having a good time, and didn't think about it. She would mention other women she knew I knew, one white woman, Julie, in particular. Julie's joining our office from the FSM Congress. On reflection, I realize Lynn was pushing me to finding someone else for when she leaves me.
Saturday, we went to a great little waterfall. We had a really good time. I thought we did. We did.
... And then Sunday Lynn spilled it that it was just too hard ~ the culture difference, her family, what about the future, other issues. She's had offers from two other guys to go out, and is inclined to take them up on it. Locals, who would be accepted by her family. I think she wants marriage, etc. She talks often of the differences between us ~ she's a housekeeper, I'm a lawyer; she's un-educated, I'm a lawyer; she's Pohnpein, I'm "mehn why"; I've got money, she's got nothing, nothing. I don't know what it is about me that brings that out in people ~ this comparison thing. It's not like I bring it up. On a conscious level, anyway. It's bizarre. She says my ability to provide is irrelevent, but of course it is. Isn't it? Whether I stay is what matters, the way Lynn talks. She's totally focused on me leaving in two years. She says she'd go with me anywhere, but I don't see her being able to live in the States, away from her family, despite how often she's mad with them. She does have two sisters in the States. My long distance bill back to Pohnpei would be murder.
We bickered the way back from a waterfall we visited with Peter and Lynn's friend Reveline. Peter wanted to go home and I wanted to accomodate him. I needed to be alone with Lynn to deal with what was going on, and he didn't want to be a spectator to our fighting. We got all the way to his house, near where I work, in Palikir, in Sokehs (I live in Awak Pah in "U"), and Lynn insisted on going out again. And that turned a bad dream into a nightmare. I let her drive. Big mistake. No better night driver than me, though I'd have done better, and I woud up yelling at her, which made it worse). We wound up back at my house and Lynn took a taxi back to the club we went to the night before, called "Rumors." Around 2:30 a.m. she called (I didn't expect to hear from her again) and asked me to come get her. I don't know why I did, but I did. Her home is, for Micronesians, walking distance, but I went and got her, and brought her to my home.
Peter tells me I've been and am being stupid with her. That I should "just use her." That she's using me. The "mehn why" keep telling me to be careful about local women. My ex- is furious about what I'm doing, and says the same as Peter ~ about whites, or men generally, being used by local women. I don't follow why it's so hard just to be happy with someone. I've been really happy with her, and it's getting complicated. She's happy with me, when she doesn't think about tomorrow....
There's a lot of mis-trust and dis-trust here, between all peoples. It's just on a more subtle level than anticipated. Until you get to know them. Then you realize how serious it is. It's the same all over. It's supposed to be paradise here. But it's far more than that. There's a tragedy to the place, to the people. People like me, with a "Mr. Fix-it" mentality don't help. That's been my mentality all my life. It hasn't worked there. It's not going to help here.
No comments:
Post a Comment