Beginning with my June 2008 post "It's Been Five Years," the following is the continuing story of my travels from the United States into Micronesia ~ Pohnpei, Guam and Saipan ~ and my life since June 2003.
Sunday, August 17, 2003 (continued) ~ Pohnpei
So, tonight, I went, and asked permission. Of the family, the mom, the family leader of the clan. We've slept together a month, and tonight I asked permission to be with her, to see her. Family from around the island came. A mehn why who's married to one of the clan came.
Some of Lynn's uncles are not happy about it. They think I'm going to take over raising her kids from their father, and that Lynn should stay true and wait for him to return. Lynn and I both know that's not in the plan.
All I was doing was showing respect to the family by asking permission to see her. It's like going back in time a hundred years....
We went to the family "naz," the thatched covered structure that somehow catches the breezes, where people come to be together, to talk, laugh, settle disputes, sleep. I brought fresh sakau, the pepper plant, that later, after, they pounded into the slightly narcotic drink, pounded on rocks, squeezed through strands of the inner bark of the hibiscus tree, served in a half coconut shell, passed around.
And, to her family and clan, I expressed my love and caring for Lynn. And asked permission to see her. We had waited for someone to come to interpret. Which he did. And after they passed around four cups of sakau, it was time for me to give a "speech." Lynn even dressed me for the occassion, a white Ron Jon muscle shirt. And I said what I had to say. And there were some questions. What I did. What about her girls. Questions that I wasn't unprepared for.
And after I spoke, the head of the clan (the local sakau bar owner) spoke for a long time. I heard "mehn why" twice. I heard "Kahlangen" (thank you) many times toward the end. I learned later, from talking with Lynn's mom, that he was expressing concern that two of Lynn's aunts had married mehn why, and been left by them. But he was expressing thanks for my showing of respect. And I received "permission." (That was already kind of in the bag.) And I was welcomed into the family.
And after that, we sat in the naz, and they pounded sakau, and I spoke with Lynn's mom, and told her about us, my family, about me, about Lynn and me. Sitting on cement, cross legged, or legs spread forward. Twenty or thirty people there, all family. All ages, grandmas and cousins and aunts holding babies. And Lynn's mom and I had a real heart-to-heart, and I was open with her. She has much magic. What she does with children is phenomenal. I told her I thought she'd like my mom, and that I thought my mom would like her.
There is such chaos here, and such order. And most people would think me crazy for what I'm doing. But I'm not. I want to share this, but I don't want to sound like a social anthropologist. I don't know. But I do know that I am happy. Somewhere, I woke up in a dream.
Pum Mwau (sp) (Good night.)
