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My muse this month has been Humility. When I think about it, the people I most admire all have one attribute in common you don't think of right off the bat when you look at the movers and shakers in the world: Humility. I'm not talking about religious and spiritual leaders here, not Jesus, or Gandhi or the Dalai Lama, or Mother Theresa. I'm talking about men and women of stature in the law, politics, the arts and sciences, the martial arts, sports ~ occupations that by their very nature tend to cultivate sizeable egos.
Most of my life, I have been accused of arrogance, and I cannot argue. But there is no time like the present to work on any particular defect of character, especially one as dangerous as lack of humility. Not too long ago I was tasked with an assignment: To define what humility means to me and to identify ways in which I can demonstrate humility. The first part I believe can be shared; the second part will be a life long endeavor, and I am certainly open to suggestion.  Where to begin. Humility ~ not to be confused with our modern understanding of words like servility, servitude, or humiliation ~ is a state of grace. To accept and surrender with grace to not only the vicissitudes of life, but also to life's rewards. It is a matter of surrender of the ego, of the self, to something greater than ourselves, what some have called "God consciousness." As between men, famed martial artist Bruce Lee said, To be humble
to superiors is duty;
to equals is courtesy;
to inferiors is nobleness;
and to all, safety! So, according to Bruce Lee, humility begins with the recognition of one's "place" in the world, in the social strata, which can be many things with the same person at different times. Viewing Bruce Lee's thoughts from the perspective of those who would judge others, those who would take issue with someone's humility ~ and say the person is not sufficiently or appropriately humble ~ must necessarily feel superior to another. But why even have such thoughts? What purpose does it serve to walk about the planet so full of one's self in this fashion?
Mutual and reciprocal courtesy among equals ~ and we are all equal ~ is among the sincerest demonstrations of humility. And what about this idea of "nobleness"? And the way we treat (and care for) our "inferiors." What is one to expect from one who is treated as a dog by his master? If Bruce Lee is correct, the master is not being humble when he humiliates and punishes a dog. And yet, we often treat one another that way (even, we have convinced ourselves, with the "noblest" of intentions). In fact, much of the time when we display anger or displeasure at a dog it is because the dog is not acting in a sufficiently "humble" (meaning servile) way. As the dog's master what we come to expect is not the "duty" that Bruce Lee talks about, but servitude and obedience. There is no nobility in that.
Here's another way to look at it: We know that people who are depressed or in pain or in fear will manifest those emotions in incongruous ways: isolation, withdrawal, anger, sarcasm, intolerance, lashing out. And when we see those emotions, we ought not react in kind, to the emotion, but should seek to understand its source, which is nothing but ... fear. A wounded animal seeking safety is often at her most dangerous when threatened. Yes? But a "superior" being, in Bruce Lee's sense of it, who is noble in his humilty understands that the animal's behavior comes not from arrogance, superiority or lack of humility, but from pain and fear. And that being the case, is it not incumbent upon those who are in a "superior" position to approach their "inferiors" in a noble way, or at the least as an equal to whom they should extend the courtesy of tolerance and love? Is that not the way a parent should be? Is that not what we hope for in a benevolent God? Is that not the way we would hope to be when we aspire to godliness?
The man who thinks he can live without others
is mistaken; the one who thinks others can't live
without him is even more deluded.
~ Hasidic Saying
To teach your children strength
You must be willing to appear weak
You must renounce ambition
and struggle
and embrace serenity and peace.
You must confess your faults
and embrace your failures.
You must face yourself with honesty
and find the truth of your nature.
~ Martin, The Parent's Tao Te Ching
Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending.
You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds?
Lay first the foundation of humility.
~ Saint Augustine
That basic ingredient of all humilty,
a desire to seek and do God's will....
~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
Humility does not mean thinking less
of yourself than of other people,
nor does it mean having a low opinion
of your own gifts. It means freedom
from thinking about yourself at all.
~ William Temple
If you think you can judge others,
you are wrong. When you judge them,
you are really judging yourself guilty,
because you do the same things they do.
God judges those who do wrong things,
and we know that his judging is right.
~ Romans 2:11
Where humility had formerly stood for
a forced feeding on humble pie
it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient
which can give us serenity.
~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
To bear defeat with dignity,
to accept criticism with poise,
to receive honors with humility
these are marks of maturity and graciousness.
~ William Arthur Ward
If every fool wore a crown,
we should all be kings.
~ Welsh Proverb
If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect.
~ Ted Turner
As expressed in most if not all religious and spiritual traditions, humility is an expression of one's relationship with one's higher power, that which some call God, though it has many names and is expressed in many ways. Humility recognizes that I cannot do it alone ~ that is, live life on life's terms. Humility may be the ultimate expression of my awareness of God, my higher power, that "God consciousness" thing. When we allow ourselves to admit that we are powerless over people, places and things, we are not giving up; we are merely recognizing our limitations ~ limitations that can never be overcome by ego and by arrogance ~ and it is only then that we can actually find a certain security, a serenity if you will, in the knowledge that we cannot do it alone ~ and were not meant to. I am finding that the more I work on my humility, the more liberated, empowered and enabled I become.
Whenever I question another man's humility, or my perception of his lack thereof, I am well-advised to examine myself first. If humility is a measure of my relationship with my higher power, then unless I believe myself to be God, it is never my place to judge. It is the manner in which we treat and care for one another which demonstrates the grace of our humility. I think I'm finally at a place in my life where I can truly say that I'm working on it. I didn't say I've got it. I said I'm working on it.
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace;
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
~ Saint Francis of Assisi *
(baptized Giovanni di Bernadone ~ 1182 - 1226 A. D.)
* This prayer was not actually written by St. Francis, but is attributed to him, or written in tribute to him.
Everyone is familiar with the Serenity prayer: God, Grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
To change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference. A friend of mine who spent many years in law enforcement and was the sheriff of a sizeable county in the South before being "humbled," gave me some words of advice from his own experience confronting his own demons. He said, try saying the serenity prayer and substitute the word "humility" for the word "serenity." Try it. It's even more powerful that way, because it recognizes that more often than not I need help getting out of my own way so that I can grow emotionally and spiritually.
Humility is something I ask for every day. I'm not saying I always have it. Far from it. But I'm working on it. It's something I have to remind myself to ask for every day, so it is included in my daily meditations. Two more things working on this humility thing is teaching me: It is never too late to start. And I have time.
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