There are some people who just can't help but rub me the wrong way. You know the type. Fault finders. If you show them a rose, they have to say something about the thorns. What's wrong with admiring the rose and leaving it at that? Is it really necessary to mention the thorns?
You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
~ Tom Wilson, from the comic strip "Ziggy"
Guess what? Roses have thorns. They're supposed to. Get over it.
And then there are those whose response to every indignity to their sensibilities (translation: not getting their way) is "It's not fair!" These people are constantly taking inventory and keeping score. And nursing grudges. And resentments. They are constantly comparing their lot in life to someone else's (especially yours if you happen to be in the unfortunate position of disagreeing with them at the time). You've either got it better, or they've got it worse. And Lord knows, no one has it worse than them. What a miserable way to go through life. Being victimized because life isn't fair.
Guess what? Life isn't fair. It isn't supposed to be. Get over it.
Fault finders and score keepers. Sometimes you can't avoid them, like family, co-workers, bosses, the guy ahead of you in the checkout line. You won't change them. And you certainly can't control them. It's like trying to teach a pig to sing: Can't be done and it irritates the pig. Fault finders and score keepers are just displaying their own patented brand of passive-aggressiveness. He or she is, sadly, a very unhappy person, who's not so unhappy with me as he or she is with him- or herself.
It is very easy to get lulled into a game of one-upmanship with fault finders and score keepers. I try not to allow it these days (it's not always easy). Way too negative. Never any reward. What I can try to do is Get over it! Change my reaction, change my response. I am someone I do have control over. So, I'm working on a different approach: Compassion. Not because they're right and they've got it worse; but because they're wrong and they're making it worse and don't even know it. Allowing a score keeper or a fault finder to engage me on their turf only validates a miserable way of life. There's no profit in that. I don't have to accept the premise that life is about counting the thorns and not the roses, about finding fault and keeping score. So I don't.
When I'm counting my blessings and roses, it's hard to keep score of the thorns.
2 comments:
I really like what you've been writing, Rob. I especially like this post and the one on gratitude, as this is pretty much how I live my life. Though I've had my share of troubles, I am so immensely grateful for all my blessings - and there are a lot of them! I try very hard to concentrate on them, rather than bitch about what I don't have. I'm really working on reducing the negatives in my life, mainly my own negative comments. It's not an easy thing to do. But the more I think about the things for which I am grateful, the easier it is.
Hugs,
Sharon
Rob,
One of the things that I have found in the education business is how we (educators) have set the system up for fault-finding rather than compassion. In today's schools, especially with the internal pressures created by No Child Left Behind, we frantically try to find the best way to eliminate the children that need us the most. Your point of approaching each day of life with the intention of practicing compassion is a refreshing viewpoint that could accomplish radical change.
Thanks
Dan
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